I lose

I feel like I've already lost my battle to fix my relationship. I've spent weeks wondering what it was that wasnt working in my relationship, what is the issue, do I not love him anymore? Am I unhappy with him? Are we just two completely different people? I thought I had finally come to realise that we were just missing intimacy, yes we still have sex one every few weeks but that's just it, it's just sex, we no longer make love to each other, we just have sex. So I dug deep into my thoughts, to figure out what it is I need to do to get that spark back, what can I do to try fix this? I realise that we have not for a very long time had an intimate kiss, a proper kiss, a kiss that sends shivers down your spine, and I'm dying to feel that rush from the man I love again, so I send him a text, telling him how madly I am in love with him, how badly I long to kiss his lips and feel my heart race through me, so I dedicated my day to thinking positive, to reminding myself how much I wanted to kiss him, tonight, I want to kiss him tonight, I get into bed, I'm laying next to him and I can't help myself, I turn to him, grab his head, press my lips against his and go in for a full on intimate kiss, in my head it was going to be the best feeling in the word, but reality hit and he pushes me away, he tells me it's been so long since I ever tried to kiss him like that and I shouldn't do it until the time is right, in my head I start thinking but when will the time ever be right? I'm his girlfriend, we've been together for so long now, I should be able to go up and kiss him and not be rejected, he then begins to tell me that we need to see a counsellor, and I feel that rush of wanting to be close to him sink down to my feet, my heart feels like it's completely stopped beating, I just feel still. When did things get so bad that we need to see a counsellor, why does the man I love feel our relationship is failing. Right now he leaves the bedroom and I'm just sitting there crying, I just can't stop, I feel I've already lost the love of my life, I'm fighting a losing battle. I feel my heart shatter inside me and I have no clue how to fix it.

I love this man to death, and now all I see is my lonely self. Why?