Just want to say something...

Is it okay for me to pour my heart out on here? I know people say "social media isn't a journal" but, I feel like I have so much on my mind. I feel like this year (2017) hasn't exactly been the best year. Two things happened this year that made my year. One, I got married March 31. Two, my daughter turned a year old. I know finding out that I was pregnant in June/July is something in supposed to be excited about but, part of me doesn't feel it... does that make me a bad mom? Could it be my hormones..? I just have so much anxiety and stress that I feel like I fail as a mother of ONE! Now that I will be having TWO kids, I just don't want to disappoint them, or my husband . I feel like I juggle trying to be a good wife and a good mother just stresses me out! I feel like I'm not doing either of them right. My husband says I'm doing a great job as a mom and a wife but, parts of me just break of piece by piece and sometimes I have to go to the bathroom to have a mental breakdown to try and make myself feel better. Some days I feel like I don't have anyone in my corner supporting me through this pregnancy. I just feel like I need a friend, sure I have a best friend but sometimes I feel like we aren't. I've known her for five years.

My heart sometimes just beats really fast when I think of something that has happened (not going to say) I just don't know how to deal with my feeling... I don't know how to tell anyone how I'm feeling without getting upset.. or angry. I get mad because I expect my husband to know every single time I'm upset or angry and he doesn't know these things! I think it may be because I'm afraid he doesn't want have this second baby. I'm afraid that my life is going to fall apart when baby number two comes. Maybe, it's because part of me is afraid that I won't make him proud, that I won't be the same girl he got with when we were 17 years old. I know we change as we get older, I just don't know how to deal with it.