Feeling down.

This is our first month ttc after losing our angel baby. And at first I was okay with it, getting hopeful. But now as I lay here I realized im so scared. I fell in love from the moment I saw that positive sign, and once the bleeding started my heart was torn to shreds  I'm really hopeful that I'll be blessed with a rainbow baby but I don't know if I'm able to go through something like that again. 
It's a blessing and a curse to be a women