I really need someone...

We found out 4 months ago that we're having our second and last baby. I've wanted a boy and a girl my entire life. After my daughter was born (3 years ago), it took me a while to come around and be sure that I really even wanted another, but I took a leap of faith and we went for it - I researched and did all the wives tales of "How to conceive a boy", and we conceived on the first try.

I've been second guessing our decision ever since. Everything about it - did I really want another one? What if it's a girl? It just can't be a girl - I have one and she's my whole world. It cannot. be. a girl. And then it happened - it's a girl.

I'm incredibly devastated. I'm completely crushed. And angry...so angry. When I found out, I thought I'd be sad for a few hours and it would pass, but it's been 3 days and I'm so beyond sad and depressed, and it's eating at me for a thousand reasons.

I want, so bad, to be happy and ecstatic, I want to embrace everything about this pregnancy and this baby. It's something that should absolutely be celebrated - it's a life. People try for years and years to get pregnant and don't have any luck, it came so easy for me - I should absolutely be happy. It's MY baby, I should have a crazy, undying love for her, but I don't. I'm so fucking heartbroken and hurt.

My husband doesn't understand, and I don't expect him to. But he's being a complete asshole to me, and I can't confide in him.

I feel like I'm mourning the son I never got a chance to have.

I don't need tough love, I don't need to be told how arrogant I'm being - believe me, I know. I WANT to be happy, but I literally can't. Not right now. I really just need to talk to someone who understands me right now.