A Day In MY Shoes

Girl, let me tell you!

I gotta get this out- it's my biggest secret and I'm going to tell you a day in my shoes

My mom is having an affair. But that's not the biggest problem for me. See, we have a really rocky relationship & the fact that she is self destructing is.. sad? confusing? just plain dumb? all the above?

ANYway- back story time

My dad is a complete alcoholic. Like can't live without a 6pack+ a day (& that's just what I know of) Abusive towards women, mostly mom but when I lived at home omg it was pretty bad. Constant yelling, toxic parenting- for example.. when he found out I began dating he said I better not get pregnant, if so he would take a coat hanger to remove the baby. Yikes right? He would get super wasted and tell me about his felony days and how he became to be a habitual felon. Like wtf? I was so young hearing his cocaine and speed days. If the radio was playing in the night, I knew I would be woken up to pick which parent was right in their arguments (bc of course they were totally drunk)

Oh and my mom is a sadistic child hater who when drunk would beat me and tell me she hates me, yet she tried buying my love when she got disability money (13 at the time).. they've both been arrested for domestic abuse. Well, technically mom caught a charge for assault with a deadly weapon.. but honestly I've seen her do much worse than stab him. She also was rumored to be whoring around as I grew up neighbors

Great right? No wonder I'm quiet and uncomfortable around others. A Day In MY shoes girls... so continuing on. Yeah I feel like a total dummy for even having them remotely in my life, but to be 100% honest- I crave a good relationship with them. I love them even though they nearly screwed my mental state up.. actually they did but I found the greatest guy on the planet & he taught me a true fundamental self love and sober living. Took forever to really learn all that 😫 so grateful I have him.

Oh yeah the affair thing. Okay so I'm grown but try occasionally see my mom, not so much dad bc I hate hate all the yelling and crazy stuff he rambles about. Just last year he told me how to get cocaine out of the carpet with a balloon. Yuck! Anyway mom has always been obsessed with dad "cheating" but seriously I doubt it. For a few months she says she wants to leave him, yet she hasn't of course

Found a guy at social services selling effing phones, puking right now** acting like a teenager who just found out what a vibrator can do & now she is telling ME about their dirty pics, messages, and everything in between if you catch my drift. Did I mention I met him? Yeah she kinda sprung it on me while I rode with her one day meeting him & *gag* made out with me right there. Total douche btw but then again she's a whore (just how I feel) even after I told her I didn't want to know anymore about it... if my dad finds out what she is up to??? Holy moly she's gonna get hurt girl-- and I worry about MY kids for my unenthusiastic knowing of. She kept on telling her nasty little secrets to me, so I've finally cut her off. For good. It pains me a bit having no mother to talk to but again what did I really lose? I'm happier overall & yet I still wish I could have that fantasy mother-daughter relationship.

A Day In MY shoes. My husband asked the other day "Why do you keep people at arms length?"

Btw that little shiznit is only the top of the iceberg. I should tell you what happened to me when they threw me off on others (all druggies btw) so they had more time to do drugs.. Oh yes fun memories!

Thanks for reading, I feel better knowing I've told my deepest secrets to you chica! Sometimes you just need to tell someone you know?