Crazy MIL/FIL, is it worth being passive to save marriage?

Question

Have you got a crazy ..controlling MIL/FIL/figure that is going behind your back and trying to parent their ways onto your children? Usually, talking to SO doesn’t solve this problem? Is it worth ruining your relationship/marriage over? Most of the time I see couples get into these problems where their MIL/FIL are indirectly making their partners upset and it creates bickering upon their marriage/relationship. Thoughts, advice? Comments?

Answer

Unless your partner is willing to stand up to them or cut them off your always going to have those battles and you might not win in the end

Answer

No, being passive will not save your marriage. It will only cause resentment toward your partner for not taking care of things. Your partner needs to step up and put his parents in place. And if he doesn’t do it, do it yourself. Things will be heated for a little while (because goodness knows people like this don’t do well with boundaries), but they will all get over it. Never be afraid to put down your boundaries with anyone. I had my moments with my former fiancé‘s mother’s attempts at being overbearing. I kicked my fiancé’s ass out and now he lives with her and they can live happily ever after while she bosses him around when he’s trying to be a parent. Glad I don’t have to deal with it anymore.

Answer

If your SO doesn’t want to help fix the issues then I would skip him altogether and go to the source. Tell them what your not happy with them teaching/ telling your child.  Fortunately me and my husband agree when it comes to two times we have had issues with his mom and stepdad. But in the end I am the one who says something and gets it resolved cause my husband gets his facts mixed up and then it really blows up into something bigger than it should have been

Answer

Depends on what the issues are. If it’s silly, petty grandparent garbage let it go. If it’s parental alienation then that’s a different story.

Answer

Definitely. MY in-laws were doing things we asked them not to do (don't give a pacifier, don't just feed my 7 month old bottles all day, don't give unsolicited advice, etc) and when we found out they were doing these things, we told them gently but firmly that it would not continue or else they would no longer be our babysitters and be with him unattended. We told them that he was OUR child and they had no right to go against our wishes. Nipped it right in the bud.

Answer

Depends on the issues. Most of the time, I see a lot of things as different house different rules, because it’s small stuff. Bottom line is Nana let’s you do those things, but at home, we follow our rules. 
Nana gives my son chocolate milk and whatever he wants to eat. I refuse to cook to order, this is dinner, you need to eat it or be hungry. I’m not making you your own special meal. She’s Nana, she doesn’t do a lot of discipline, she tries to reason with the kids for forever. At home, you do what I ask you to or you’re going to your room, I’m not arguing with you. She’ll wait with my son while he goes to the potty, I make him use the potty himself, because he has been for the last year perfectly fine. Stuff like that. 
If it’s bigger than this kind of stuff, I would talk with your in laws. But I think you need to be a united front with your partner before really making a big deal out of something.

Answer

I don't have children thank god. my in laws are amazing people.

Answer

I have a crazy alcoholic MIL who moved across states to live in our neighborhood 3 weeks before I'm due to deliver. She is obsessed with our unborn child. After discussing the danger she poses to our baby if she ever were to babysit or be alone with baby, we decided to tell her. It didn't go over well since she is in denial of being an alcoholic. There are multiple examples of her driving drunk, passing out in liquor store parking lots, passing out in pools, standing my husband up on his birthday, etc. So when we told her, she accused ME of having problems and acting like the victim. Overall, I'm glad we confronted the issue with her because it further proved how unstable and unhealthy she is. I would never risk the safety of my baby because I wanted to be "passive" or non-confrontational

Crazy MIL/FIL, is it worth being passive to save marriage?

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