😡😡😡😡😡

Let me start by saying, although my husband is most definitely an alcoholic, he really has made great progress. He has gone from drinking a handle of vodka in under a week to either 30-35 weak beers/week or 8-12 40oz hurricanes (8.1%) obviously, he still needs to quit altogether but I am giving him as much patience as I can because of how far he has come. If he hadn't made any progress, I'd feel differently about it. So, I don't want to hear the chorus of "leave him, he'll never change" I don't believe that's the answer. I just need to vent for a minute.

This weekend was not good. He relapsed. Normal but frustrating for me. Heartbreaking really. He decided to drink 4 or 5 hurricanes in a very short period of time (an online calculator estimated his bac as .25% 😔) I woke up to pee and found him sprawled out in the middle of the hallway. I honestly thought he was dead for a minute. He wouldn't wake up even when I pinched him so I got a cool washcloth on his neck and of course woke him up cursing at me. Don't care, not going to let our 1yo see him like that in the morning. I think she's old enough to realize that's not normal and it's 100% not fair to her to see stuff like that. picture for shame! this was after I had started the waking up process..

So, I woke him up around 1:30am and we ended up having a one sided drunken argument about nothing in particular. He followed me into the bedroom and turned the light on. I didn't really have a choice in the matter unfortunately. I tried every which way to end the conversation without leaving him so destitute that I didnt know what he would do (history of depression, I always worry about suicide even if he hasn't been talking about it) but it took 2 hours of arguing and crying until I finally gave up and said I was going to sleep.

Now mind you, I've gotten about 3 hours (maybe) before this fiasco. Up for 2 hours wasting my precious sleep allotment. And only got 3 more hours until our 1yo was ready (demanding) breakfast. Shall I also mention I'm nearly 10 weeks pregnant, had terrible cramping yesterday and last night (stress induced maybe?) AND I'm at the start of a cold - stuffy, runny nose, sore throat, headache, feels like the start of an ear infection. I really need sleep. I need sleep when I'm healthy and not pregnant. I'm really a different person (miserable) when I don't get enough sleep.

Sooo I'm already pissed off when I wake up this morning. He works nights so I woke him up around noon as usual and he says he's calling out of work! Are you fucking kidding me? You are hungover and tired by your choice. What choice did I have in the matter? I couldn't call out from taking care of our daughter. I couldn't call out from the vacuuming that desperately needed doing or the necessary baby dishes that need doing every single day.

And if that wasn't bad enough, he hasn't even come out of the bedroom at all today. No effort to apologize. No effort to play or interact with our child at all. This is completely unacceptable.

I'm not sure where to go from here. Like I said, if he hadn't made so much progress already I would feel differently about it all. If I had any friends or family nearby I would be staying with them for a few days but that's unfortunately not an option. How can I reprimand him for this? I feel so stuck in a sense.