Mermaid syndrome, 15 weeks🌊

I don’t know where to start. I went in Thursday night to have an early determination of the gender. I was ecstatic. We started the ultrasound and the lady stayed quiet for minute, then advised me to go to the bathroom. I came back out and a few minutes later into the ultrasound she said “I’m not going to be able to determine the gender of the baby, and I have to be honest with you, it’s because there’s an issue with the baby.” At that point the blood just kinda rushed from my head and I felt tears running down my face. She told me the baby had what’s called “sirenomilia” or mermaid syndrome. Basically the lower limbs are completely fused. She said it was very rare but that I needed to get in to speak with my doctor right away. I walked out crying, hyperventilating the whole ride home while I got texts from family and friends asking what the gender was. I got an ultrasound the next day from my doctor and it was confirmed. He told me that this was a lethal diagnosis for the baby and that it would not live. He very gently told me that I had 2 options. To terminate the pregnancy, or carry full term and they could provide comfort care for the baby until it passed away after birth. I could very clearly see it on the screen and I knew he was right. I can’t mentally handle going full term to watch it pass away. I go back Tuesday for termination... I told my closest friend and she said “I can’t imagine what your going through right now” and the best way I could describe it was someone handing you the world, and when you least expect it, setting it on fire. I have no doubt what I’m doing is right, but it doesn’t make it any easier. The fact that I can feel flutters breaks my heart. I’m not sure if it’s in pain, or if it’s just me keeping it alive at this point. I’m numb, haven’t stopped crying.💔