MC, due dates, and heartbreak

I found out I finally had my sticky bean on 12/4/2017, after 2.5 years of trying.

I found out I would miscarry within the coming days on 12/18/17.

We had planned on announcing to our parents on Christmas eve.

I would have been due 8/12/2018 (in between DH fathers 8/11 and my fathers b-day 8/13).

While I am over the moon for all the ladies who have sticky beans due in August, my heart physically hurts (actually hurts - like that heavy feeling when you try hold in your tears just before ugly crying) seeing all the cute, and clever, and beautiful announcement.

And then I feel like an immediate asshole. What kind of person does this make me?

I honestly didn’t know where else to go except for here. This has been haunting me for the last few weeks.