Long. But I'm depressed and need a little encouragement.

Just in dire need of a little encouragement. My husband and I decided in December to start trying for our first. In the middle of march I find out I'm expecting. Beginning of April I start spotting really light it progressively gets worse and worse as the days tick away. Went to the ER one night because it was getting concerning and my Dr was not giving me any answers that I wanted. They checked my HCG it was in the high 2000s and did an ultrasound both came back consistent with about 5 weeks. They sent me home with instructions to follow up with my OB. I went to my appointment 2 days later for the blood HCG testing they were supposed to check. My DR came into my room and said "you are high risk because you are overweight" and sends me on my merry way didn't even "have time" to schedule me for another appointment-.- she didn't even get close enough for me to smell her breath (and I could smell EVERYTHING at the time) 2 days later I am back in the ER in full blown bleeding. Trails of blood on the floor everywhere they MADE me walk. Clumps of tissue coming out of me the size of a softball. Maybe bigger. Now I sit here almost 2 full months later and I can do nothing but cry. Thinking why didn't my Dr do anything at all for me. Why didn't she help my child survive. I take lh and hcg tests 3 times a day now because it's what helps me cope. I'm falling into a deep depression and I can't figure out how to pull my self back from the depths. Help me please