How did you live through it?

Great pregnancy, 1.5 weeks past due date, hard labor (2 days early labor in back, 25 hrs, 3 pushing, 1-2 min long contractions, broke rib)

Baby boy is now almost 4 months old.

I read about sleep regression but he never really slept well. He literally hardly blinks. Husband sleeps in other room, takes him two nights a week. Mother in law was here to help (mostly cleaning and a few hours here and there) but it often felt like more of a burden having her here. I always thought she was so sweet and I was a monster for not feeling 100% grateful but she was constantly "suggesting" I was doing things wrong. Diaper too tight, don't spill your coffee on baby, maybe he's gassy because of all the strong spices you eat, you feed him too much, you should bottle feed instead of breast so you know how much he gets each time, he's too cold, it's too cold for a walk with him you should leave him with me etc. But I had a clean house everyday with perfectly folded laundry and a husband who was so happy to have his mom.

I still only slept 2-3 hrs at a time but then things changed. Husband started to use the word "we think" all the time. I still felt like a monster for not recovering faster (he would actually say this too). I knew he was just tired. He worked all day, took baby at 530am but it turns out his mom had been whispering how disrespectful I was to him all along. I lashed out one morning and said I never wanted to have a child with him again. He told me he wanted a divorce. He didn't love me anymore.

I left him and his mother for the weekend and stayed with an old woman who used to help me clean for work. Husband cried when I got home. He said he wouldn't be happy with me or without me but he wanted to try to make it work. His mother left abruptly, bought a $1k ticket home the next day. He chose me and she wasn't happy.

I felt like I was going crazy. Thinking she was so sweet and I was the monster. Dealing with a baby who won't nap. Not wanting my husband to have to choose between his wife and his mother (who he loves dearly and is very close with).

Now I feel mortified knowing she's saying horrible things to his sister about me. Learning she always had a strained feeling toward me but he fails to see her as anything but sweet.

I know he loves me and is a good man who will always try to think about his family first but he won't wear his wedding ring anymore (says it reminds him to be more mindful when he realizes it's not on his hand). Basically agreed with me that our marriage is on probation.

Is there a light to look forward to? Will the baby ever sleep?

I'm getting counselor help now but I'm still so lost. This is so much harder than I thought it would be. The expectations are too high. How does anyone do this?