i need answers ....

i need someone who can relate or knows someone who’s been in my position because if you’ve never experienced this then you’ll never know how i feel or how to really cope ... well, since i was 15, my own blood mother who gave birth to me has been on drugs for as long as i could remember and she always saw something good in me to where she never wanted me to be ahead or on top of her in life so, she always tried to find a way to bring me down or at least tried the best she could. anyway, at 15 i never did drugs or knew what drugs were until she gave me meth and told me to try it because i would like it ... so being young and dumb i tried it and didn’t stopped until i got pregnant at 18. When i was almost 16 i had this boyfriend i was with for 2 years and he was on drugs as well. my mom and him were having an affair behind my back for awhile and i never knew until me and my ex had broken up and his whole family knew before i did and told me the news ... i’ve had 1 other boyfriend before i got pregnant and she tried to do the same thing to him but as far as i know he pushed her away. now she’s trying to do the same thing to my babydad and i’m tired of her trying to ruin my life and trying to fuck on the guys i’m with. it hurts me so much deep inside because THIS IS MY MOM and this is the person who gave birth to me, the person your suppose to go to when your deep in the dirt, when you need advice, when you need ANYTHING. i don’t see my mom as a mom or treat her like one and we live under he same roof and always will until i can move out with my son and my baby’s dad. i just dont understand what to do to cope with this in the meantime until i can completely get away because i can’t even live at peace without a worry or even a feeling of hate towards her. i sometimes feel like i don’t even know who i am ... i truly dont understand why a mother would want her own blood child to have nothing in life or to go nowhere in life ... or to why she has jealously and hate towards me ... she talks down about me to everyone she knows and expects them to talk back bad about me ... i just need help someone, ANYONE ... i feel so pointless in life sometimes ...