As I Lay here at 3AM, on the couch with my hair neglected and my eyes burning, I feel jealous of my boyfriend in the other room, sleeping blissfully. I know he's hurting too, but why can't I just be able to sleep? instead I'm out here, silently crying and mourning my baby boy that we lost only last week. I'm going for grief therapy soon and I'm back at work now, but why can't it just start to feel normal? this is my 3rd Baby lost but the most personal because I finally made it to see a heart beat. the most precious 118flutters a minute ive ever laid eyes on. is there any other ladies out there, living this "secret life" where during the day they seem fine and like they're recovering and at night they're lonely and trying to comfort their own broken heart?