Am I fucking crazy ?

So I have no girl friends so I need some strangers to tell me if I am crazy lol .

So me and husband we've had our fights BIG ones where there are holes in walls and broken shit . Nothing ever physical with each other . He has a short temper to say the least . I'm not that far behind him either .

So he would keep all these secrets from me for ex : he would tell his co worker he would do drugs so I would see all these msgs from his co worker telling him if he wants another hit if he wants more etc . Get this shit straight he said he only said this because he wanted to seem "cool" 🙄🙄 omg I about lost it!

Another one I told him to stop saying that if he ain't doing drugs he promised we moved on but then again I see the same msgs popping back up same bs excuse 🙄.

Not only that from the time we got back together to when we got married 3 yrs , he would be checking out girls in front me . We go to the store he would see a girl with a booty his eyes straight to her . Not going to lie that shit hurt my feelings and fucked with my self esteem 1. I don't have an ass pancake! 2. I wasn't even close to being as pretty as the girls he was looking at . Made me wonder if he did this in front of me what does he do behind my back .

So that on top of more lies and secrets I think that broke me inside . He was the only guy I love and trust and he broke me .

Couple weeks ago I found a dollar bill rolled up like for sniffing cocain . I confronted him but then again another bs excuse or maybe his telling the truth I don't know because it's hard to trust him . He said he found it like that in an old truck he has outside working on it . It use to be his work truck but he hasn't moved in months so silly me I believed him . Last night he gets a random text if he wants to buy an 8 ball 🎱. So I had it I blew up before he could explain . Supposedly the guy has two guys under his contacts and messaged the wrong one . Idk if I should believe him . We had a huge fight he said he was tired of me always accusing him but everytime I "accuse" him of something it always turns out that I am right . He just doesn't understand that he hurt me and he thinks I'm just going to trust him .

I feel bad that I'm causing him so much pain with my insecurities I sometimes feel crazy . I just need to vent I have no one to talk to I feel so alone sometimes .