Grieving after a second MC

I know I’ve posted on here a lot lately... but I’m down and this has just been one big nightmare, and talking to other women on here has helped me heal . I’ll be 39 in a few months and we just had our second miscarriage on Friday... I had my d&c; on Wednesday. First one was in December. So this is basically the 2nd one in a row... didnt think it would happen this time Bc we heard the HB at 6 weeks and my numbers doubled well. I started going

To a support group last night which was helpful. Wish my husband came with me but I can’t force him. We don’t have any over kids and I want them even more after this. I know everyone grieves differently but I don’t even know how... I told myself yesterday I would draw or paint or write (I like to do art), but it’s like I’m paralyzed ... can’t bring myself to do anything. I feel like the only thing that’s gonna make me happy right now is having a baby, a healthy one. I can’t go through this a third time, but I’m also tired of thinking about this all the time and neeed to take my mind off it but can’t. I feel guilty to go out tonight with some friends, could help maybe but don’t know ...I shouldn’t be smiling or laughing w friends right now which is why I’m thinking of canceling. just feel so down I just want to hide. If anyone can offer any advice on what helped you to grieve after a second miscarriage please do share. I can’t say that googling and reading books miscarriage , or thinking about it all day has really helped me but I don’t know how to take my mind off it either. Like I said before, time is not on my side and I want at least one child and after two of these now I’m just really discouraged.