I'm hurt and distant

Azalia • Zoe First time mom to little Arya Beth!💛

So uh me and my boyfriend had some alone time in my vacations and well we did our thing and after I had left Orlando he started getting worried that I was pregnant (which im not, sadly)... I wouldn't want to pressure him into having one. i understand.. so I took 2 pregnancy test like 1 week before AF was due and they were negative. i told him that I had taken 2 of those and he relaxed but then it started again and he was saying that he would be very unhappy and that he wouldn't want to have kids at all. which hurts like hell.. he said in a cruel way but I understood because his father always humiliated him. I wouldn't want my child to be raised like that. and I would definitely wouldn't want my child to be unwanted by his father. I've been through that and its sad not to have a father figure in your life growing up.. He told me that he wouldn't want me to have the baby if i was pregnant and i clarified that abortion was definitely not an option.

Anyways after a week of anxious questions finally AF hit the due date. i was disappointed honestly..( yes I wasn't think that if I was pregnant, my child would most definitely grow up being unwanted by his/her dad..very selfish of me but yeah..)😔 i told him and he was saying that that was good and stuff.. OK I WAS BASICALLY EMOTIONAL ALL FREAKING DAY...STILL AM.. 😂

Anyways I was honest with him and told him that I was disappointed.. he got kinda distant and went to work. that has been messing up my mood all day.. 😔 all I wanna do is curl up in bed and sleep all day, i don't want to be around anybody... my body hurts and I can't stop crying every freaking 20 minutes.. I'm getting distant and i do want babies.. but he doesn't tho.. does that make him selfish? 😔

I just told him I was going to sleep but i can't sleep..😖😔

oh and we broke up while is was going on but decided to go with the flow.. 🙄