Hello all,

This is my first post, I hope you all can help me...

I’ve been with my husband for about 7 years total, we’ve been married almost 3 of those 7.

When I met him, he was fighting some demons (addiction) but he kicked all that and hasn’t looked back...

But now, he’s replaced one vice with another-smoking tobacco. I don’t have a problem with it, except that we agreed we wanted to go further into taking care of our health as we are TTC.

So we’ve each been taking steps toward better health respectively, as a unit and as individuals.

Well, long story short, I caught him still smoking, and he has t really truly quit. (I’ve quit cigs before, I know how hard it can be)

He’s agreed I’ve been super supportive and transparent and have been understanding about how hard it is to quit, and we’ve had many convos about him not needing to hide/lie regarding his tobacco use. I feel like he’s just displaying addiction behavior again, this time with nicotine.

When we met he wasn’t hiding things because he was on the other side of everything, but I’ve had family members battle addiction so I recognized the behavioral signs.

The problem is, our entire relationship regarding one thing or another, he continues to commit these selfish actions. Everything he does is for himself first and me second. I was brought up with a father who told me my husband should put me first, before himself.

My husband agrees he acts this way and agrees it’s not ok, but doesn’t know why he continues to insult my intelligence and disrespect me and lie. I hate liars. I think it’s messed up of him to expect me to have his child and he can’t even keep it 100% with me. And this type of behavior has been a battle almost our entire relationship.

So now that I feel good and foolish, I don’t want to continue to be in this cycle. He keeps speaking and acting like this is just “another speedbump” that all people go through and like I’ll eventually forgive and we’ll move forward. I’m at the point where I’m done. I can’t keep going in circles. I feel like he’s holding me back from my true potential but of course, I do love him.

We have no children, the dog is mine, and I’d have to move back home for a bit if I left him, I’ll be 30 years old in the fall. I feel like it’s now or never to find my happiness.

Please help!