Self esteem issues

I'm 15 and suffer severe anxiety and depression, recently I have felt very conscious about myself. I have also been a victim of self harm.

I do a lot of acting in my spare time but still despite that being a lot of fun, I don't feel confident in myself, yes on stage I do but any other time i'm just focused on one thing - negativity. I don't call myself a pessimist but I have been really badly bullied in the past and despite getting 2 inches taller, dropping a cup size and having supposedly a massive glo up, I still think oh I'm fat, I can't sing, im so heartless etc.

I get super jealous of the people who are really skinny and can eat all the time, feeling like a fat lump 24/7 even though I know I'm not fat, I need to lose some weight. I have big thighs, a chubby stomach, a big ass that doesn't really suit me, and whenever I think my boobs are growing I go paranoid cause before I was a C cup and it was actually gross! I want to go down to an A cup and maybe fit into a smaller dress size because now I'm fitting into a 10 UK and I want to be like an 8/6 like everybody else 😬

I must admit I hate eating, even if its my favourite food (a nice peice of chicken) and I just feel like chucking it in the bin. My friends have asked if I was going to eat cake and I refused and awkwardly said "I think I'm developing a bit of an eating disorder." And literally felt so embarrassed.

I don't like eating or changing in front of people, neither do I singing as I know I really can't sing and want to be a singer but omg I can't sing for crap, I'm never going to achieve my dreams of being an all round entertainer as I'm a talentless peice of crap