Not sure what to do 😕

I’m almost 14 weeks pregnant and I’m in a healthy relationship, we have a home, and we already have tons of baby stuff for our new member of the family coming to us in November 2018.

I’m just getting tripped up on the silliest things.

I’ve never had any ties to anything in the entire world so I’m terrified of having a tie that I can’t just hide from. When things got tough, I could just leave and this is something I can’t leave or ever give up on. My SO and I are super excited but now I’m starting to feel overwhelmed and scared even to the point of just wanting to terminate to get out of it but I know if I do so I’ll regret it for my entire life. Plus I think I’m just being extremely emotional because my life is about to change. I don’t know.

I’ve struggled with depression my entire life so I know it can also just be a huge gust of it also. My emotions are just all over the place and I just want to stay in bed all day and hide from the world even though I can’t so at the end of the day I’m just extremely exhausted. 😰

I’m scared I’ll be the worst mother and I won’t be able to handle it. And my SO and I are engaged but a part of me is so terrified of being a single mother. I have no reason to think he’s going to leave or anything like that, we have a great steady relationship but my brain and emotions are stuck on the littlest things that drive me the most nuts.

I feel like I have no one to talk to, all of my friends are TTC and I’m over here complaining about it. I’m just terrified and I’m ashamed and embarrassed. I haven’t even told my mother because I’m so afraid of what she’ll think. Again, crazy mixed emotions.

I don’t know. What do you guys think? Any advice is definitely appreciated