Two years post affair

My husband had an affair several months before our one year wedding anniversary. He left our four year old daughter and i to go live with her and promised her the world while ignoring my daughter and I. He finally came back home when she kicked him out her house because she found out he was still slept with me his wife. Two years later we have a seven month old and currently four months pregnant with our third but truth is ive never recovered from the hurt. He hardly sleeps with me and always gives me excuses like he's tired or just not in the mood (I don't even know how I've ended up pregnant both times) but I've now come to a point where I don't want him touching me or seeing me nude because I can just imagine the amount of disgust he sees in me after having a pretty mistress. Is anyone else going through the struggles of an affair?????

I have always been put on the back burner and he does things with out telling me and it puts our family in a deep hole. I can honestly say I love him as the father of my children and for being a person but as my life long partner I have never felt so deeply lonely and distant from the person I gave my all to. I don't love him romantically or anything like that and honest to God there have been other woman that surfaced after that major affair which almost caused me to lose our second daughter because I found out about another woman and couldn't handle it at that point.

He's a great guy but still is very confused about what he wants from life and although I'm not afraid of losing him to another woman I wouldn't be surprised if he is currently seeing someone right now. I question why I'm still here sometimes I can't even get out my bed and mykids see that.

Anyone gone through this before. Does it get better? Does it get worse? He doesn't want therapy and tells me to get over it already. It's been two years and it still haunts me. I've read books and seen stuff on YouTube but have learned that both parties need to want it to work and maybe this is why I'm still in this pit.

I'm Christian and it kills me that this is the marriage my kids are growing up watching