Living Hell


i need help. anyone i tell always says the same things. it’s all a bunch of bs, like the type of stuff people write in cards. this is my life rn: my boyfriend and i broke up, i couldn’t handle it and asked to get back together. he said no even tho he was crying over it all. now i sleep with my promise ring on every night bc it comforts me. i found someone i liked, but it turned out to be my best friends brother. me and my best friends brother kissed, and when my best friend found out i liked him, she explained that it would change things between me and her. she’s the only person who has never hurt me and i’ve known her for two years. i told her brother i couldn’t talk to him anymore simply bc i couldn’t lose her. he replied with “ok..”. the next morning i told him how much it killed me to not see him and that i really was sorry. he said the same thing and i asked if it didn’t bother him that much. i wanted to know if he was just using me. he told me a big paragraph explaining how he was just trying to make it easier on me by not getting upset and that he does have real feelings for me. later that day i went to his house to swim with my best friend. i ended up crying bc he was there. she told me i could continue to talk to him and that she didn’t care. ik she did tho and i can’t bare to add more drama to her life. went home and a guy that lives with them started hitting on me, ik he’s a fuckboy tho and told him i have feelings for my best friends brother. he sent laughing emojis backs and wouldn’t tell me why. rewind to this morning i woke up with chest pain. i get an aching pain in my right palm and the center of my chest when i’m hurting so bad emotionally, but this chest pain was different bc it was constant and made me have short breaths. my palm also did not ache. i still have this pain rn and it hasn’t stopped since this morning. i am contemplating cutting myself again after i had stopped for a while and considering suicide. i really need some support and advice bc i feel so completely worthless. my philosophy is: if ur hurting and nobody knows, then that means everyone else can be happy bc i care about other people more than myself. if u add everything in this paragraph together, it really does seem like a living hell. plz, help..