So I recently got diagnosed with depression an anxiety. Not on any medication. Things got better for awhile. I took a trip to NY. I came back and the depression hit full force. I hated myself. The anxiety slowly started coming back along with my insecurities. Now my boyfriend was very supportive. Talking me through my fears and insecurities and anxieties, and making sure I knew I was loved. Until one day, I was just doing bad. I couldn’t seem to shake it. We were laying together and stumbled on some older messages and started thinking about the past. He did too. He also struggles with depression and anxiety, but he’s been doing better. The messages trapped him in his head. And he thought he was better off without me.. blamed himself for stuff that wasn’t his fault. The only option he saw was breakup. I tried talking him out of it. For several days. And just nothing. I would get to a better place about it, but then flip back. Because I was hurt. Angry. Upset. And since we’re remaining friends, I have a hard time filtering myself about the hurt. It’s taking its toll on me. We’re distancing ourselves but I just keep fighting him about it because I’m hurt. Several times a day. Tonight I spiraled out of control. I shut him out, since I always try to. And this time he let me. He’s tired of fighting. I am too. I just can’t seem to function. I self harmed and thought about suicide tonight. I hate that I’m putting him through so much hell. I feel like he’s gonna end up resenting me and hating me and falling out of love because I’m so fucked in the head emotionally. I’m coming forward to my parents about it all tomorrow since I’ve been hiding the self harm and suicidal ideations. But other than that, what can I do? I want to be better. For me. For us. For them. Please help me.