I am sad

My man and I have been doing the LDR thing since the end of March of this year when he moved across the country for work. I spent all day yesterday traveling home after spending a week with him, and I cried pretty much the whole trip home. It was our first visit since he left, and I miss him so much more now, having seen him every day for a week.

He’s in Seattle and I am in Philadelphia, and I hate being here. I grew up in Colorado but I moved to this city seven years ago after life in Denver had taken some difficult turns...I guess I got numb to how gritty and horrible it can be and the week I spent out West has reminded me of that.

And my person is thousands of miles away, and we still haven’t figured out how long this will last. I need to stay put for a couple more years for professional reasons (which fucking *kills* me). He needs to stay in Seattle through at least the end of the year, but part of me doesn’t want him to come back here. I don’t want to get stuck in Philadelphia.

Before this trip I felt like my life was going ok. I was making progress in some areas, and planning for the future. And none of that has changed, really. I’ve just been reminded of how much better life could be, and I hate that it will take years for that change to happen.

And the man I love isn’t here next to me. I don’t get to talk to him face to face about daily life things, I can’t hold his hand or get naked as the mood strikes, I don’t get to have weekend breakfast and coffee with him, and I even miss the shit he does that annoys the hell out of me.

I suspect that this is fairly typical post-visit blues stuff, but it’s still miserable. I haven’t felt this helpless or hopeless for a long time. How do you all deal with it?

A picture of us on a very windy ferry ride across Puget Sound: