Its always something

I got new job its the start of my career finished my 4 year in criminal justice but now i dont have the time to have a baby now am starting a new job is fear of me getting fired am not going lie i think about abortion so did my boyfriend but its like why cant i have my baby its just feeling overwhelming because its always something he fears am going get fired nor have time for the baby since is an overnight shift i know having baby is hard work !!! Am now 5weeks idk am all over the place