Guys..please don’t judge or think less of me..

This is going to be a long post. But I need advice. I don’t want to make my family have to put up with my current behavior/state..

Okay. Rewind to two years ago. I was diagnosed with PTSD and Bipolar with Psychotic Tendencies.

I was put on a lot of medication, and at that time had no home support system whatsoever.

After meeting my husband, I began feeling safe again. Like I could take on the world. And after a year we decided to start TTC.

I weened myself off my meds. And my doctors said I was doing great and that maybe all I needed was love and comfort..

I’ve been off my meds now since November 2017.

I’ve been doing really well.

I’m currently 9 weeks pregnant.

Today my husband is working a 16hour shift. Which sucks, but he’s done it before, and I’m okay with it.

I woke up at noon-ish and felt it.

A heaviness on my chest. Anxiety like I haven’t had in a very very long time. I couldn’t leave my bed, and the thought of leaving it made me cry and shake.

We just moved back home a couple weeks ago-so we currently live with my husbands mother and step-father.

I didn’t want to leave the room all day, I didn’t want them to see me. I didn’t want any interaction with anyone.

My husband found out (we text throughout the day) that I hadn’t left the room at all unless I was the only one home today. He got scared and left work to bring me food, because I hadn’t eaten anything since morning.

When he arrived I was crying, and rocking back and forth in bed.

It’s so hard to explain why I get like this. I don’t honestly know.

I just feel horrible. As much as I am hoping this is a one time thing, I am so scared that it’ll happen again. Or start happening often.

I know it’s hard to put this stuff out in the open, but has anyone had anything similar happen?

What did you do?

I never wanted to take medication while pregnant. I really was doing so well, and I don’t understand why all of a sudden I’m in a hole again.

Any advice or kind words would be appreciated.

Thank you all so much.

(I hope this has made sense..I am so flustered it’s hard for me to get myself together right now.)