Tell me if I’m crazy...

Ok so I don’t know if I’m the one being crazy or what, but I need to get this off my chest.

A little background...I am 24 and my husband is 26. We have been together for 10 years and married for two of those. In 2005, my husband suddenly lost his sister when she was only 19. It’s an unimaginable loss that I have never had to experience myself. I know they miss her tremendously ever single day and I am very respectful of that. My MIL will not let herself enjoy life at all.

When we got married his parents paid for most of the wedding because my parents could not afford much. (My husband and I grew up very differently...his parents are very well off). Anyway, his mother was controlling over the wedding. Wanted to the best and most expensive of everything and that’s just not how I am but I never said anything because I didn’t want to be disrespectful. For my bridal shower that she threw for me she made the theme “Breakfast at Tiffany’s” (her daughters name was Tiffany). I have never even seen the movie. Now in my mind I’m thinking, if I was planning a shower for someone I would make it about things they like. But I feel like this was just a way for her to make it about her daughter. Again, I did not say anything because I didn’t want to be rude or upset her. I understand she misses her daughter but I feel like there is a time and place to make things about her and when your throwing a shower for someone that is not the appropriate time.

In March we found out we were having a baby which was extremely exciting because I suffered a miscarriage in November. We had a gender reveal party which was so much fun because it was the first time all the family was able to get together to celebrate the baby. Later in the evening I find my MIL in the kitchen giving away all the food and she gave away all our containers. She was trying to clean the kitchen top to bottom so I said “please don’t worry about that, it’s our house and we’ll clean up later” (I would rather spend time enjoying everyone’s company and I am not the type of person that feels the need to make everything look spotless 24/7. The mess isn’t going anywhere we’ll clean it later. I would have said the same thing to my own mother). So she tells my husband that I really hurt her feelings and can’t believe how I acted. So the rest of the night shes pissed. I wanted to enjoy the party so I didn’t let it get to me. A month went by and we did not speak unless we had to.

In July we went on vacation and the entire week she barely acted like I existed. This was despite my effort to hug her and make conversation with her so the last day of vacation I said screw it. I’m done trying. I grew up with a shitty mom and I’m not doing this again.

We get back from vacation and we go to this little family reunion on my husbands side and all of a sudden my MIL is acting like my best freaking friend. And I’m just sitting there like what........? The next day her and my FIL stop over and she is back to not speaking to me. So now I come to the realization that she was just trying to put on a show in front of her family to make it seem like things were a certain way when they weren’t.

At this point I have tried talking to my husband about it but of course he doesn’t see it. He worships he ground his parents walk on and they can do no wrong. According to him, I need to make more of an effort, not her.

My MIL decided she was going to throw me a baby shower and I said could you please let my step mom help. She really wanted to be a part of it. She said of course. My MIL called my step mom to let her know the date of the shower and that she didn’t need her help because her friends were already helping her. Idk if it’s just me but I thought that was extremely rude. Again, I kept my mouth shut. My husband still doesn’t know because I honestly don’t think he’ll believe me.

This is what is really pissing me off that might tip me over the edge. My MIL thinks this baby is hers. She calls it her baby. She has her own nursery and closet full of clothes and she tells people it’s HER baby. We decided to name the baby Amelia Tiffany after his sister because that’s what my husband wanted and I agree it’s a great way to honor his sister.

I get the baby shower invitation in the mail and I’m ticked because my MIL put the baby’s name on there. It’s like SHE had to be the one to let everyone know we were naming her after Tiffany. I feel like she took that excitement away from us. As a new parent picking a name for your first child is really exciting and it’s something you want to share with everyone but she took that away from us. I want to say something to my husband but I don’t know how to say it without seeming disrespectful of his sister.

I have been dealing with this for 10 years and I just feel like I am losing my mind. She just makes everything about her and I cannot take it. Am I being over dramatic and crazy?