Bad breakup and bad decisions

So let me start out by saying. I am the jerk here. No one likes admitting when they do something wrong but.. I will.

I was with my ex for almost 3 years. Wanted a future with this man, loved him in every way, I never thought in my mind that we wouldn’t work out. Well, things started to get a little heavy. Won’t share every detail but he began to develop a drinking and drug problem.... which we have overcome with him once before.... no car, (which for a while I DID encourage him to just continue using mine so he could save money for his business he hoped to start up)

anyways... I went through a really bad depression. I’ve never clinically been diagnosed as depressed but I was writing in journals about how I needed to get help and how I wasn’t happy and how the whole world felt like it was caving in because of my relationship, my work schedule and other personal things I had going on.

I met another man at a bar where I work. (You guessed it- this is where I’m the jerk) I threw away my last three years to be with this new guy.(yes he knew about my boyfriend at the time and eventually helped me see he wasn’t the one, talked me into leaving him? Maybe... I was a blind idiot) But all in all at first it was amazing. I wasn’t numb any more I was happy to find something new. (Even more of a jerk)

The worst part is I really wanted to fall in love with this new guy. And things with us were moving fast.... love was a possibility. But after a month of even knowing him I realized I really didn’t love this guy. And he might of just been my excuse to get out of the situation I was in.

It took a lot for me to come to that. No one wants to be the bad guy. But me, someone with a huge heart, kind, always putting others first... has become a heartbreaking monster. I’m now a cheater. Annnd I have to break this guys heart too.

Turns out this guy is crazy. He tracked my phone when I was with coworkers to beat up one of the guys I was hanging out with. Is telling the world I’m pregnant with his child. And is threatening to post private videos of me from when we were drunk together last.

OH annnd now he and my ex are friends who drink at bars together, and the crazy new guy is helping my ex start his business.....

I know I messed up. I can own that. But how do I get this new guy to stop harassing me? I’m trying so hard to move on and become myself again and happy and independent... but as soon as I put a real smile on something happens again. I’m dating and happy and then he brings me back to the worst mistake/time of my life- him!!

I am happy to be out of both situations. I handled it all wrong. I’m not here to be shamed. I know we have all made mistakes. And I know mine was a big one. I usually can’t even look someone in he eye who has cheated. And now here I am. I’m here to find out what I should do from here? Thank you Glow world for helping a fellow woman with your advice

I am 21, my ex is 24, new crazy one is 28 with a child