I’m finally pregnant but it doesn’t feel right *Update*

I’m so confused and lost in my head emotionally with this pregnancy. I’m 13 weeks today. It took us nearly 2 years to get pregnant and I’ve been dying to have a baby for so many years! Now that I’m pregnant, though, I feel so depressed. I don’t feel any kind of emotional connection to this baby yet. I have suffered from depression and anxiety my whole life but had recently found ways to battle it with things that make me happy and the hopes of starting a family has played a major role in my battle. So why do I feel so depressed? I feel like it was hard enough to be happy and feel a sense of belonging before I got pregnant and now it’s even worse. I feel completely alone and like no one will want me or have room for me in their lives with this child. And these thoughts make me feel like I’ve already failed as a mother. I hate that I’m doubting what I wanting and tried so hard for. And I feel too ashamed to speak to my fiancé about it. I need support, ladies. Can you offer me advice or let me know if you have experienced this, what helped you, or if it got better later on?

Update:

We had our first ultrasound today and got to see baby wiggling around! It definitely made me feel happy and like I had a lot to look forward to. Last night I kind of cried myself to sleep. I was feeling so lonely but today feels much more positive. I want to thank you for the support and kind words of advice! It really helps to know I’m not alone. I am trying to focus on the positives and I will definitely talk to my midwife and the counselor at my birthing center about how I’m feeling. Thank you again! You all really helped. ♥️