Fearsome Four?

Question

Literally. I’m not sure how to approach my 4 year olds temper. She’s destructive, she says she hates everyone (for the record I’ve never used the word HATE in front of her or around her. I use dislike because she repeats me by calling ppl bastards when I call my cat a bastard.) I’m having her evaluated for Autism later this week, but oh my gosh. I don’t know how to approach her behavior. If I put her in the corner, she’ll bang her head on the wall. If I put her in time out chair, she’ll intentionally fall out of it. If I hold her down she’ll bite me, if I spank her she’ll just stare at me blankly...if I ground her she’ll try to break things...I don’t know what to do. I’ve threatened to take away everything & she just shrugs.

Answer

Try ignoring negative behavior to encourage positive behavior in some situations. For example is she is yelling I hate you ignore her and tell her when she is ready to speak nicely you will listen. Same thing if she is throwing a tantrum and screaming on the floor. You may need to speak with a behavior specialist to support you with the more intense behaviors such as aggression, self injury and breaking property.

Answer

Perhaps punishing her behavior isn't the proper way to approach it. If she does something wrong, talking to her first on her eye level in a calm tone may work better than timeouts.

Answer

Have you tried rocking and (tightly) hugging her? I know it is the last thing you want to do when they are acting like asshole lunatics, but it really helps my crazies...I mean kids.
My cousin trained her daughter to ask for air when she gets really upset, but I am not sure if she was a destructive lunatic.
Recently I read an article that said to put your kid somewhere safe (their room) and when they transition to stage 2 (sobbing I believe) sit outside the door and read a book.  Eventually they will become curious enough and listen to the story.  This is supposed to stop the tantrums and teach them something quiet to do when they get in a mood.  It worked very well the one time I remembered to do it with my 6 year old.

Answer

It sounds like she’s thriving on the negative attention. When she hits you, yells at you, etc, get up and walk away. If she doesn’t get the reaction she’s looking for, she very well may stop. She wants you to react.

Fearsome Four?

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