I want a baby!!!!!!

I want a baby soooooo bad!!!!! My first is almost two and at first I didn’t want one. We are planning our wedding and building a house and then my fiancé just decides to spurt out “i want a baby” and I somehow talked myself into it. And then I realized he was kidding! And then I realized we couldn’t afford another baby. Then I got some medical issues going on and now I realize i don’t want my kids far apart and if we wait to let my first get older then I won’t want to start over again and will not want another baby in 4 or 5 years. And now I’m heartbroken because ALL I WANT IS ANOTHER BABY!!!!!!!! I talked myself into it and then was told no. I had no idea he was kidding. He kept talking about it for two weeks and when I finally changed my mind he said Nevermind. I’m just heartbroken.... 😔