Stressed, depressed, ttc

So to give background I'm 21 and I have a 1 year old daughter by a close friend that I dated for two years.

Since then I've had two miscarriages 9 months apart from each other. First one was 7 weeks and 3 days and the second was estimated to be a girl at 13 weeks and 5 days. Those two babies where both planned but never made it to this world. I miss them every day.

It's been two months since my baby girl passed away, i haven't been on birth control for awhile, me and the father of the two who passed away have been together for the passed year. We started to talk about planning to get pregnant again soon and hope that everything goes well but I went in for a check up an my gino said I have too much scar tissue on my uterus walls for a baby to attach to. Meaning id just a miscarry again and cause more damage to my body.

I'm stressed out and want a baby so badly but it's looking for like adoption than anything and he wants to wait another year to start the process of adoption.

The only person who knows any of

this is my boyfriend, if I told my family they would be let down that there's not another grandchild running around, I feel kinda pressured.

Is it wrong of me not to want to adopt? I just really want my own child. I loved being pregnant with my first, it was such a magical experience and I want that again to creat that bond and connection with my second.

Just kinda tired of feeling hopeless and depressed, I needed to vent I think.