Could I be trans?

Since the beginning of the year I’ve identified as gender-fluid, using they/them pronouns.

But now I think I might be trans. (FTM). I’ve always heard people say that being trans isnt something that “develops” and that trans people know from a very early age that they are the opposite gender to what they were assigned.

But as a little kid I didn’t feel like a BOY. Sure, I was a “tomboy” dressing in my brothers clothes, playing GI-joe, and video games. But I always chocked that up to growing up with a brother.

But I was also very certain of my gender as a kid, I knew I was a girl. Even though I preferred “Male” things. (Then again I thought I was straight... um, yeah, I am very much gay.)

I have awful gender dysphoria, I hate my chest, and my lower areas. But I also feel like if I had “male parts” that I’d also be uncomfortable?

I see pictures of FTM trans people who’ve taken T and how they have facial hair and a more masculine appearance, and that is literally ALL I want. I dread going in public because I do not pass one single bit. I’m also afraid my mom will say I’m indecisive, because she thinks my gender-fluidness is too wishy-washy.

So... could I be transgender, but not felt like a boy as a kid? And could it be possible that I’m trans, but not fully male? Like he/they? I’m not sure. I’d really appreciate any advice on this matter. Since I have nobody to talk to about it.

Thank you!

-your friendly neighbourhood confused LGBTQ+ teen