My Cousin Brother

So... i finally travelled abroad for the first time ever. After breaking up with my ex i found myself on a flight to my aunts place. Met my cousin there and after a night full of alcohol... i kissed him. I never knew him before that and being drunk, upset and very horny i kissed him. One thing led to another and i slept with him. I told him the next morning that it was a one time thing. It was only sex and he said he was cool with it.

I guess i needed to get this off my chest. I don't think i feel really guilty about it coz i thought it would be a one time thing. Never done it before with any relative... i still can't bring myself to feel very guilty about it. We stayed in contact though.

2 months later, he saved up and booked a flight. Saying he loves me and wanted to spend a week with me. He gave me his flight details and i didn't meet him on purpose. Now I'm lying to him constantly. Telling him I'm busy, making excuses. He leaves in a few days and i can't bring myself to tell him that i used him as a rebound eventhough I'm pretty sure i had told him. I think i should've been more blunt that morning. And just yesterday his mom called.. asking me to take another trip to their place and of course i told her i would be glad to go. I just don't know how i will avoid him then coz he lives with his mom (my aunt) and his dad.

And through it all... i can't bring myself to feel as guilty as i think i should or tell him the truth. That i don't love him like he says he loves me. Well.. not to the extent where I'm in love with him. But i do care. Gosh.. this makes me feel like a complete bitch for not feeling as bad as i think i should about the whole situation.