idk if i’m capable of romantically loving someone anymore

i’m 17, and that’s pretty young to say this, but i don’t think i’m emotionally able to love someone anymore. my first boyfriend (of 8 months- may/june-ish 2017- feb. 2018) completely screwed me over. he’d sext other girls, flirt over text, and ask and ask and ask me to do things for him sexually. he was my first almost everything, and it basically got to the post where i was a toy.

i always thought he was flirting with these two other girls (i was right in the end about them), but never said anything because i didn’t want to be the “crazy gf.”

then our relationship ended bc i found out for certain that he was cheating on me with a completely different girl from the other two.

i asked him about it at first bc i wanted to give him the chance to be honest, and he denied it. (he would literally gaslight me all the time) we talked more about it, and he kept denying it, but a few hours later, he broke up with me “because of his parents.” less than a week later, he started sitting with the girl he cheated on me w at lunch, and theyre still dating. (though he still flirts w other girls in our school, which i know bc one came up to me to tell me that he grabbed her butt in the hall and she didn’t want it or indicate that she wanted it at all.)

i’d tell the girl he’s w now, but she literally hates me and she’s two-faced.

anyway. i’ve been over him for a while now, and i’ve had tiny crushes on people, but i never actually let it go anywhere. they express interest in me too, but i just physically can’t let it progress past that. i dont want to be with them, but i want to at the same time if that makes sense.

there’s some mental block somewhere, and it just makes me really upset. i think part of it is possibly due to the fact that he once told me around 2 months into our relationship: “if we don’t work out, at least you’ll know how a boy should treat you in a relationship.” ha.

TL;DR: my first ever bf screwed me over when i was 16, and even though i’m over him now, i’m completely ruined for relationships. i physically and emotionally can’t let a relationship progress past a mutual crush.