Rage......Relationahip

Y'all relationship are so confusing to me. My son's father stresses me out completely and so disrespectful. We were together 3 years and we had a domestic relationship... We fought a lot but we were together from high school on and off.. Then we reconnect and had a baby..So I finally got enough of it and finally let go for good... This is my thing... We talk on and off as friends but... I feel like he doesn't have his head on right?!?! What I mean is.... Why? Why hurt the ones that been there and always know what's the best for you... Why hurt the ones you know love you unconditional.... Why do I just feel like punching him in his face.... I have so much RAGE but then there is a little piece of me that still cares... So he tells me he has a gf( girlfriend). But your having sex with this married lady?? What?!?!?!?! So I'm like jealous but hurt at the same time.... And I'm pretty sure y'all are like don't you have a man... Yes, but why do I feel the way I do..... I love my bf and want to marry him.... But deep down I gave my life to my sons father and I feel as if.... Im T. Henson on Achmony and if I can't have him then nobody can.... !!!!!

-Confussion of a Ragged Black Women