I feel like a failure 💔

I am heartbroken. I feel so alone.

I think I have ppd or the blues. First of all I love my baby, even though hes been Trying me at times with the crying but he is not the issue. I always thought I would be one of those mothers to naturally push him out and then breastfeed and everything would be perfect.

Well everything went the exact opposite and I dont know how to deal with it. I had a c section last minute. And well I'm two weeks two days in and I have not been able to breastfeed for MANY reasons that i wont even get into. I've been crying every single day multiple times because of not being able to breastfeed or feeling Alone. Especially when I look down on him and see how well he drinks his bottle 💔. He loves to eat. Hes such a good eater . 😭😭😭I know he would've loved my breast milk. I am Besides myself. It hasnt helped that even though I asked him not to go back to work my husband did. And he even worked this past weekend til about 7pm Saturday and Sunday. My mom who lives 2 blocks away chose to go to a bridal shower on Satirday so I spent the entire weekend alone just with my baby and my thoughts. And well thank God I at least have my baby to keep me company. I feel like such a failure and so alone. I am not talking to my mom or husband. I feel like they have abandoned me when I needed them the most (when I needed support to continue trying to breastfeed/pump). The fact that my supply will deplete makes me feel like I hate them. Because maybe , I had a chance with their help. I dont know what to do. All I wanted was the best for my baby and to me that was breastfeeding and well its so hard go accept that it just isn't going to happen 💔. Please someone help