Stuck on love

Deosjah

I’ve been on and off with my first love for 5 years now. Everytime I get over him we end up back tracking. I’ve noticed he only wants me around when he wants something but then we have moments where we realize we can never leave eachother alone no matter what. I can now say I never want to be with him again but I can’t seem to let go. He took my virginity and I took his but I don’t wanna stay. We’ve been messing around since 13/14