Constant torture

I have to say, I f*cking hate pumping. I couldn't breast feed because she couldn't latch and it was a nightmare for us both. I've been exclusively pumping for the last four months and it's torture. I hate every part of it except that it makes food for her. Every time I have to sit and pump it is torture. It hurts, I barely get make enough to feed her, and I have to wake up at all hours of the night so I don't leak all over myself. My supply is starting to go and it's making me feel worse about all of it. I hate this but it feels worse that now I can't make enough to meet her needs. Right now I just want to scream and cry and scream some more. I'm mad, my nipples hurt from pumping, I pumped for 20mins and got a total of 3.5oz!!

When I hear of mothers who love breast feeding, never had any trouble, and feed their kid on their own for a long time it makes me feel so inadequate. It's been such a struggle for me from day one. And I just have to whine and say IT'S NOT FAIR! I want so badly to be the mom that can just whip a boob out and effortlessly feed my child but it never happened like that for us.

If you want to be all judgey and rude just don't comment because you obviously don't get it. The psychological toll this is all taking is starting to add up.