My Family’s Secret

*TRIGGER WARNING!!!*

My brother and neighbour molested me when I was 4. They were preteens. They took me to the shed and put their penises in my mouth one at a time. They made me jerk them off. I told my mom. She told me boys would be boys. It happened again. This time in my room. The neighbour sat me on a shelf while he lifted my skirt. He licked my vagina and then put his fingers inside of me. It hurt and I bled. For the next two years incidences like this kept happening, but with only my neighbour. But this was all normal right? All little girls have this done to them right? All kids get beat by their parents, ignored, and left to fend for themselves. Right? Eventually my neighbour would bring me to his house, where he took me to his room. He took my 6 year old hand and shoved it in his pants, stroking him until he was hard. Then he pushed me onto his bed. He took off my pants and underwear, undid his pants held my arms under his forearms so one hand could reach to cover my mouth. He forced his penis into me. I screamed and cried. I remember staring at the ceiling wishing it would end. He told me to be a good girl and be quiet. I continued to cry and stare at those blue walls, with white trim, and a white popcorn ceiling. He told me this would be our little secret. And if I told anyone he would kill me and my mom.

15 years later, my brother gives me a call. He brings up the molestation and we briefly talk about it. Then I tell him about our mom. I tell him about our neighbour. He apologizes, tries to console me, and then continues to inform me I can’t say anything. Because if I did, well, he’d lose his wife, his kid, his job. He would lose everything. He also informed me that no one knew anything except for my mom, him and me. I’m from a family of 7. I haven’t spoke to my mother in a year, but she felt the need to let me know, that I could not tell anyone anything. Because my father would beat her and leave her. She would go to jail. And god forbid, what if people knew who she really is.

So here I post this. Thank you for letting me share my secret with someone