So many feelings

Becky • My angel 18-11-17 👼🏻 My little rainbow 17-09-18 👶🏽🌈

Please don’t get me wrong, we tried for two years and I absolutely love my little boy so much and am truly grateful I have him.

But my god, he’s 8 weeks old and it is really hard. I really struggle to settle him, he just cries and cries and most of the time doesn’t even have a sleep in between feeds. He’s now feeding every 2-3 hours - even though everyone says as time goes on they take more milk and sleep longer. I really struggle to get his wind up, it can take over an hour sometimes and most of the time results in reflux of milk instead. I’ve found using colic drops just makes his reflux 10 times worse as his burps are so strong that it brings up all his milk too.

My partner and I are always bickering - he works so I rarely get any help of him - I’ll be lucky if he does more than 1 feed a day. He also keeps saying me and the baby have a bond and I’m the only one who he will sooth for - but that’s definitely not true, I just have more perseverance to finding out why he’s crying and to try and make it stop if I can. He just gets involved in all the good bits like taking him out in the pram or holding him when we are out - but at home I feel like asking for help is like asking for a kidney.

I’m exhausted. But I feel like I’m not allowed to be because I don’t work anymore and I “just sit at home all day”. I find myself getting so stressed that all I do with my day is find myself battling to sooth him and i get angry and I feel so guilty for it. I do the same feeding thing over and over and it’s not getting any easier. Am I a terrible mum? I feel like I can’t even go anywhere because it takes over an hour to finish a feed, then he sleeps for like 30 mins and then he’s awake crying for more (I have tried making bigger bottles but he just gets to 4oz and doesn’t take anymore).

I’m sorry for the rant. I just feel like I’m at my wits end. 😞😞

I’m one truly lost first time mum.