Don’t Shame Others

I’m sick of being called weak because I had an epidural. I’m not weak. People don’t know my birth story so here it goes.

I was planning a home birth but when my water broke and the midwife told me it didn’t I went to the hospital. There’s no way that enough liquid to drip down my leg is right. I show up to the hospital and they run a few tests and I’m only 2.5 cm dilated. The lab results say that I was right and my water did indeed break. The doctor on call was super amazing and let me try to go into labor naturally. I pumped, I walked all over the maternity ward, I bounced on a ball while playing chess and checkers.... and after 12 hours of my water being broke I was at 3 cm and no contractions. Not enough of a change so i was put on pitocin. 3 hours went by and no change so the nurse starts upping the amount I’m getting every 20 minutes. Then when the contractions did begin they went from “kinda there” to “HOLY SHIT THAT HURTS” in a matter of one or two contractions. And I kid you not, I didn’t feel any contractions in my abdomen or even in my back- I felt them in my crotch! That’s when I wimped out. It hurt so bad I begged my husband to ask the nurse for an epidural. The anesthesiologist was amazing and I didn’t feel anything when he put the epidural in and I didn’t feel any contractions for a few hours (but I could watch my belly go up with a contraction). When I began to feel the contractions, I was dilated to an 8 (only took me 2 hours to go from a 4 to an 8). The nurses kept telling me to sleep but the pain was breaking through the epidural and I couldn’t. 20 minutes later, I felt an incredible urge to poop and when the nurse checked me, my baby was in the birth canal and it was time for practice pushes! I pushed for 20 minutes before the doctor came and then only pushed for 10 more and my babygirl was born! At 19 and only 155lbs I gave birth to a beautiful 8lb 3.5oz baby. Those last 10 minutes I could FEEL my clit tearing and I was screaming. I can’t imagine not having an epidural. The doctor is apparently really fast at stitches but she was down there for nearly an hour and the local anesthetic would wear off and she’s put more down there... so the question remained, WHAT DID I TEAR?! I tore my right outer labia OFF (I’m not exaggerating), I tore my left outer labia pretty good, I tore up past my clit and have stitches at the edge of the crack in my vagina, and I managed second degree tears inside my vagina... but I didn’t tear my paranium.

So next time you try to shame a women for having an epidural, just remember you don’t know what she went through and her level of pain. I know I can’t imagine what it would have felt like without one. I’m tough but I’m not tough enough to feel that ever again (c sections for life!)

PS if any of you ladies has had any of the tears I had, please comment and tell me how long it took to heal, how you made it through sex the first time, etc etc. I don’t know anyone with the extent of tears I have and even the doctor was a little surprised