My name is Jackie and my brother is a drug addict

I don’t know what led me to post on this app about this- maybe it’s the overwhelming amount of love and support I and nearly everyone receive on it.. but I’m struggling today and I need to let it out.

I’m one of five kids. I’m the youngest. My second oldest brother has been struggling with heroin addiction since before I could remember.

I might’ve been about 11 or 12 when the situation really came to light and I realized what was actually happening. He was about 19 or 20.

Growing up we all had the best life. Parents who were high school sweethearts (now married 36 years) And we all lived a somewhat normal happy life.

Then time after time I was faced with difficulties dealing with my brothers addiction- going to therapy my sophomore year, taking antidepressants, anxiety medications, the whole nine yards.

Even though it’s been over a decade (I’m 23 now) it’s still so difficult to come to grips with the damage he’s done to me, my family, his friends, and himself.

We’ve tried everything.. therapy, countless rehabs, tough love, isolation, he even lived on the streets for months.

What kills me the most is how hard my parents take it. Time after time trying to help but suffering because they can’t take care of their own son (and why should they? He’s a grown ass 31 year old man.. grow the fuck up why don’t ya?)

And his son. My nephew Jake. One out of eight of the loves of my life (but he hits my heart the hardest).

Struggling with TTC myself, I couldn’t imagine raising a child without any consideration of their feelings. He’s only 5, but he won’t be clueless about his father’s addiction forever.

Am I heartless for not wanting him to have anything to do with my future kids? No I’m not of course. Am I sad he won’t be apart of their lives? Of course he would be their uncle.

I’m not trying to make his problem about me by any means.. and I know addiction is a disease, but how and why could you do this to a person? To your family? To your parents? To your CHILD.

Hope has been long gone for me for a while now, especially when he OD’d last year and my family found him and I had to do CPR on him until the ambulance arrived.. but part of me wants to hold on so bad.

I’m sorry this was so long, but to those who read it until the end- thank you just for listening to my story.. there is so much more to it.. but I would need an entire 425 page book, maybe more, to cover it.

Anyway, to shed some light at the end of the tunnel, here’s a few pictures of my oh so handsome nephew to brighten it up a little.

Love you little man!

Jake, my other nephew, and my step son

My handsome man with his contagious smile

And him and my bearded dragon 🥰