Some people really have absolutely no respect.

I buried a friend of mine from vet school today. She was an incredibly kind person who just wanted to help everyone. She had a huge heart. She was an amazing person and her death is such a huge loss.

When you go through vet school now they tell you that the likelihood of losing someone in your class to suicide is close to 90%. Veterinarians have the highest rate of suicide out of any other profession (yes we are high than dentists and doctors- by nearly double). I just never thought it’d be one of my friends.

There are so many reasons for our high suicide rate. But one of the most common reasons is the same reason my friend took her own life. She went peacefully (if there’s one thing a vet knows how to do- it’s how to provide a good death which isn’t easy for us to cope with after years of euthanizing beloved pets of our clients) and I’m so thankful for that. But, she took her own life because she just couldn’t take it anymore- she couldn’t handle being screamed at for not being able to give a diagnosis when the client couldn’t pay for the tests, the hate mail when she saved a street cat using her own money and then adopted the cat out (yes people sent her hate mail for that), the too frequent conscience euthanasia’s and I could go on.

But the one thing that she mentioned multiple times in her suicide note was how she felt that no one truly cared about her. Why? Because family, friends, randoms she met on the street (save a select few people) only talked to her when they wanted free pet advice. It’s an all too familiar occurrence. I personally do my shopping in the next town over to avoid people stopping me and asking how to fix their dogs skin issues or why their cat is throwing up daily. The school my kids go to are under strict instructions not have my contact number in the contact books (because yes other parents have called me at 2am when I’m not on call on my personal line). I also do not tell people I’m a vet. Most people from my kids school think I’m a SAHM. Thankfully I have good family and friends (though I’ve cut some out) that call to talk to me and not ask a million questions.

But, today while I stood with a rose and threw a handful of soil on my friends coffin, while I cried with her parents, while I reminisced about how amazing of a friend she was- I had not one, but 7 people ask me for advice. They do not know me as I am a vet from out of town. I am not even a small animal vet- Im an equine surgeon. I haven’t worked with a cat or dog (save family animals) since vet school nearly a decade ago.

How this was an appropriate time to try to scam out some free advice at the funeral of a person who killed herself for that same reason is beyond me. Veterinarians are so much more than our profession. I get that you love your pet and maybe can’t get to the vet right now. But when I step out of the office, I like being a normal person. Sure the odd advice is fine, but at a funeral? When it’s the only time you speak to me? No. So not ok. Please don’t do this to your friends and family that are vets or vet techs. Please treat us like people and not a vet all the time. And if you need advice ask at an appropriate time. Because those of you that don’t are contributing to the epidemic of dying veterinarian and those that burn out before they’ve been in practice 10 years (30% of my graduating class no longer practices because of the stress).