Anger

I really don’t know what’s wrong with me but every time I get in trouble I feel this anger where I want to hurt or kill myself because I want my family to feel pain and make them feel like it’s their fault. Always I want them to know I was like this petty level on a whole level. But the feeling is always there but I never do it because the only person I don’t want to hurt is my boyfriend. It’s not my mom or my siblings or even my dad that makes me rethink its my boyfriend. If my family was gone the first thing that pops up in my mind is “who is gonna support me now?” It’s so messed up. I’m messed up but it’s the truth. I never want my boyfriend to feel the pain but for my family I do. They mean well and the reasons why they get mad is valid and my fault but still the urge of me killing myself and write a note “it was all ur fault :)” is tempting.