We should be getting ready to bring her home.

We attended a wedding right after these photos,We were waiting until after all the honeymoons were over (I had two cousins have weddings this summer) we were going to use some of these pictures to announce our own little surprise joy after it had died down.

We had cute little "grandmother-trucker" and "grandfather-trucker" pillows to give to my parents with ultrasound pictures as they are both truckers, and an adorable little "farm hand wanted" with wanted crossed out and replaced with "hired, 2019" for his dad.

Instead we lost her and attended both weddings while going through that with not a soul knowing other than my amazing husband.

We won't be trying again anytime soon, and working through grief together has solidified our relationship in amazing ways. But I wish I had our little piece of us, I wish we were prepping the nursery and freaking out over every little detail getting ready.

I never wanted a baby until it was already there, it all feels like a cruel joke.