Should we be engaged by now?

Question

I have a bf of 3 years now. I’ve known him for 10 years in total. We’ve moved in together & have been living here for going on 2 years. 
The 1 st yr we moved in our apt I told him he had to purpose by the time our lease ended, nonetheless that didn’t happen.
He said he had a rough yr & promised it would be the 2nd yr.
We’re currently in the 2nd yr and throughout this time we’ve been through things, we’ve broken up (even while living together) & worked out our problems. 
So I now realize that I can’t rush him to be a man & marry me but at the same time I’m also not asking him to marry me right away. All he has to do is take that first step to propose. 
He claims he’s not financially stable enough & I get that but then turns around to by season passes to basketball games or pays for trips to go on... when in reality that money could go towards idk.. maybe a ring for me.
What do y’all think about this? Getting married has been a goal of mine & I need advice on if I should let this go or not.

Answer

He’ll do it when he’s ready. I understand the whole financial thing. But perhaps he wants to spend a lot on you. It takes time. Trust me, you don’t want to rush it. It’ll happen when the time is right.

Answer

Why are you making such a timeline? You should get engaged when you’re both ready. I told my ex fiancé we should get engaged in a couple years and a week later he proposed to me (dating almost 1.5 years at that point and living together 7months) and that didn’t fix our problems and neither of us were ready and things blew up horribly... next time I’m making sure nothing gets rushed

Answer

He's not ready, which is perfectly fine. The more you try and rush him the more he's going to put it off. You don't want him to propose because you are making him. You want him to propose because he's ready to. There's no timeline in this type of thing.

Answer

He'll do it when he's ready girl, don't rush him. All you doing is stressing him out.

Answer

I wouldn't want to be engaged to someone who puts me on a timeline. You sound a little controlling. There's absolutely no time line for getting engaged. My cousin popped the question after only dating a girl for 2 months. My husband and I were together almost 12 years before we got engaged. Both are ok because that's what was best for both couples.

Answer

How old are you? As long as you’re not nearing your late thirties there is no rush. Nothing worse than a spouse who thinks you trapped them and feel resentful towards you. 
I was dating 5 years before he proposed. We were in our late twenties then.

Answer

I think he's told you plain as day that he's not ready and not going to right now. So now is the time to ask yourself if you're willing to put 3 more years into this relationship without a ring. How about 5 years? 10 years? It's not about pressuring him or yourself... It's about really taking some time for yourself to think about what you really want out of life. You said here that you have goals - explore that and why those goals are important to you, both independently and depending on if you ever get married or not. Because you might not. You need to decide what works for you. If you decide if there's no ring in the relationship after a certain amount of time has passed then enough is enough, then that's okay. You have a right to know where the relationship is headed and talk about it with your SO, and to have an internal timeline (that you keep to yourself unless he asks about your goals - and hopefully he will because I sure wouldn't marry someone without knowing this about them!). Like the other commenters said, it's not okay to pressure a guy to marry you or give him ultimatums. So the trick is to get him talking first about what he would like to see happen and approximately when, and then you can see if that lines up with your goals and if you're willing to compromise. It should look like an ongoing, mutual conversation. 
I discovered after much trial and error that 3 years is my personal limit. I had two 3-year relationships that I ended when I realized they were not heading toward marriage anytime soon. I felt like I wasted a lot of time because that's 6 years - the better part of a decade! - down the drain and it happened pretty much back to back. So I said enough is enough. I started to financially plan for and live my life as though I may never get married, and it took a while to feel at peace with that but also to be excited for my future. I was going to buy a condo and travel! Life had other, better plans. After leaving those guys and getting over it, this left me open and available to reconnect with my now husband. He proposed within 4 months, asked my parents permission, planned it out and the whole works. I wouldn't have been available to say yes if I was still waiting for a ring from one of those 3-year guys... My husband and I both had several failed relationships and agree that had we not went through those we would not have grown and been where we are today. We are extremely happy together, we had the best wedding ever last year and just found out we have a baby on the way! Now we're having to start things a little later in life, though so there are consequences to not figuring things out sooner. But I can say with complete confidence that if a man decides he wants to marry you, he will not waste time leaving it open for interpretation and open for another man to snatch you up before he pops the question and secures you!
Take the time to evaluate those goals and stick by them, and stick by yourself. Your "why" in life is so very important, single or no. Figure out what works for you first and then see if it lines up with who you're seeing. Have non-pushy, upfront conversations about what you want in life.

Should we be engaged by now?

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