I don’t know how to touch myself

The title is sort of correct. I can’t seem to figure out how to masturbate. I have a vibrator, a dildo and whatever the thing is called that mimics oral sex. No matter how horny I am or what I do, it never feels good. I have had sex before and it doesn’t even feel good. It doesn’t hurt but it doesn’t feel good. I have never had an orgasm. I don’t understand how I can never please myself. Am I crazy? Btw I’m 18 and I get sexual urges but when I act on them they disappear.

Update: thank you for all your advice. I wanted to add/ answer with:

I have tried both penetration and clit stimulation. My ex used a vibrating bullet on my clit once and my lower body started to shake, but I didn’t feel great like people talk about it feeling.