I think I'm good!?

In October last year I was ready to do it. I made a plan, I picked a day, I picked my poison. I was going to kill myself. A lot of stuff happened between when I'd planned my suicide and when the day actually came around. I dont know if it was my friends, better management of my chronic illness (which is why I was going to kill myself, the pain is just so much), or just me. It must've been something because now 3 and a half months later I am better than I have been in nearly 2 years. I dont have a therapist, Im not on any mental illness realted meds, and I didnt talk to anyone about it until very recently. I dont know what happened.

I still have urges to self harm sometimes, especially when I've had a bad day or am really stressed, but I occupy myself and they eventually go away. Since October Ive only gotten to that point when I remember what made me so depressed in the first place besides my condition. In late September I was told that my BFF and very big crush in elementary school was killed and for 4 years noone told me. That is what I think did it but after grieving over everything I think Im good. It is all very odd but its real. Idk i just wanted to share a haply moment. Show you guys that there can be some hope for a better life when you think there is none, that the only way to escape this is suicide.