Found out it’s a boy

Today I found out I’m pregnant with my second boy. I had a miscarriage in between them. So I should be ecstatic that my baby is healthy and this pregnancy is lasting.. but I’m extremely upset. And I feel like complete Shit for being upset. I thought either boy or girl I’d be so happy because my baby is alive and I’m just not. I don’t want to tell anyone around me of course because I sound like a horribly selfish mother. So many people can’t have children or are struggling and I’m upset cause it’s not the gender I was hoping for. I just.. idk