So long story. I just had my rainbow baby girl in September 2018. I also have a 3 year old little girl. So I knew at Christmas I thought I was pregnant but didn't take a test till the 29th and it showed up almost instantly. I told my 3 year old that I was having another baby and she just looked at me with no input otherwise and said "Mommy not one but two babies a boy and a girl" I just kind of shocked that she even thought of 2 babies especially after just having her little sister. So in January I paid to have a ultrasound done for the heartbeat and sure enough there was 2 babies both with little hearts just a fluttering away. I was around 7 weeks. Went to my obgyn a week later and one was measuring 8 weeks 4 days the other 8 weeks 1 day. I scheduled my next appointment for 4 weeks later. A couple weeks later I told my husband I just didn't feel pregnant no more but we blew it off thinking my symptoms was finally calming down. A few days before my appointment I had some spotting that was only there when I wiped. Normally I would have just blew that of because I done it with both my babies and I know just a little like that is normal but something just told me to go to the doctor. I went and he checked me and tried to find the heartbeats with the doppler but no luck still no to concerned because he couldn't find them last time so he sent me to ultrasound. I could instantly tell by the ultrasound techs face ( we are close she has seen me and done every ultrasound I have had ) she went from stomach ultrasound to transvaginal and then she called the doctor to come in. I was trying my best to hold it together with my 3 year old holding my hand still excited because she was getting to see the babies. The doctor told me the news that the babies passed not long after my last appointment and left the room emotional because he to has been the only doctor to see me and deliver my babies. I looked at the ultrasound tech and she just hugged me and we both started bawling our eyes out. My husband was crying but was trying to hold it together for me. It made it even worse that it was Valentine's day. Nobody warned me though what would come next. I have had a early miscarriage before and cramped and bleed but wasnt far enough for anything else. The doctor gave me a week to try miscarriage myself before he would do a d&c. A few days after that one night i started having light contractions then about 3 that night they started coming fast and hard. I was to the point of puking. I got in the shower still not knowing what was getting ready to happen. I felt something weird between my legs while sitting in the shower and there was my babies still in their sacs with placenta attached. Went back to the doctor and he confirmed that they were identical but could not tell me their genders. He took a sample for testing and I brought my babies home to bury them. I just couldn't stand to leave them there. I got my test results back and they couldn't find a reason why I miscarried. I dont know what to think. I'm trying not to blame myself. I'm happy for other people who get pregnant but it hurts to see it. I had to take my daughter to get her physical for school and the pediatrician office is in the same building as the obgyn and I started crying when I seen one woman who just got her ultrasound to find out what she was having. I had my appointment schedule for this past weekend to find out what I was having. I want to try again right away but another part of me wants to wait a little while. I'm torn and emotional but hiding it from everyone else.